Thank you Iain Macarthur for your oh-my-god-my-doodles-are-child-scribbles-compared-to-yours sketches.

Dear Iain Macarthur

You are my hero. Not because you have a name that makes me imagine you holding a sword high above your head as the wind and rain whip your coat about and you roar something profound and meaningful like "I'm wearing a kilt!" No. That's not why you're my hero. It's because you drew the following. The bear, I would imagine, you drew from memory.

Thank you Zeptonn for your book-of-drawings-doodled-by-procrastinating-artists-from-all-over-the-world.

Dear Zeptonn 

Did you mean to have a double "n" in your name or did you drink too much the night before and had a bit of a tremor when typing? Either way, I think it's appropriate – you multiply things. You didn't just do a doodle. You got 45 people to doodle. And then you made a book. You made several books. So that's 1 doodle x 45 x the-number-of-books-you've-printed = a lot. Yes, Einstein, I am a mathematical genius.

 

Zeptonn, you don't call them doodles, you call them "free drawings." But let's be honest now, they're doodles – there's no grey area. (Chuckle chuckle, get it? They're black and white so there's no grey. Chuckle chuckle. Ah… The lamities* that come out on a Monday afternoons. That said, I have a thing for black and white. And that's not just because I'm from South Africa. So, good job.)

 

And now, dear reader-who-may-or-may-not-exist, if you would like to purchase said book of doodles, chat to Janita from Pulp Books. The book is not available in SA (silly Zeptonn) and she is ordering them straight from zee artiste. (Yes, he will have touched them.) The more she orders the cheaper. By the way, it's also totally eco-friendly-as-that's-like-so-totally-in-right-now-and-you-won't-have-to-feel-so-bad-about-drinking-from-that-plastic-bottle-that-one-time.

* Lamities. A noun indicating things of a lame nature. Yes, I am allowed to make up words.

Thank you Work for making my eyes bleed and endangering those on the road

Dear Work

Thank you. This week, you have kept me away from doing important, world-changing activities like surfing the net and procrastinating and writing this blog and sleeping. You have made my eyes bleed and it's hard to see pretty things when one's eyes are bleeding. It's hard to see anything really. Thank goodness I didn't swerve on the road due to my bleeding eyes and take out a pedestrian. That would've been ugly. And I don't like Ugly. He's mean.

Thank you John Kenn for your itty-bitty-monsters-drawn-on-Post-It-notes

Dear John Kenn 

You draw on Post It notes. I wish to frame one of your Post It notes in a giant, ornamental frame and hang it on my wall. I will then step back, sigh and think how completely un-witty I am on a Friday afternoon. I will then proceed to gnaw through my wrists as I contemplate how "un-witty" is not even a word. I will drink. On second thought, I may just proceed to the latter now.

Thank you Jamie Mills for your obsession-with-rainbow-turds.

Dear Jamie Mills

I like this picture. It's a squid pooping rainbow turd. He must live in the coral reef. You say this was for the "If I was you" project site. The name irks me. It uses the verb "was." It should be "were." But, despite this-erroneous-grammar-usage-that-must-only-irritate-writers, I like your picture.

You also did this picture for the Tales to Tell collaborative story-telling project. That's cool. Writing a whole book is hard. Tim Burton also needed help with his Cadavre Equis. 

And then you had this one where rainbow turds fall from the sky (the squid must have been caught by an eagle and is in the process of pooping his pants).

And then there's this one. It must be a close-up. I won't tell you of what.

So thank you Jamie Mills. Please don't take me seriously if you happened to have googled your name and found this post - I think your work is anything but poo.

 

 

Thank you Grayscale Gallery for your INSANELY-SUPER-SICK-URBAN-ART-FESTIVAL

Dear Grayscale Gallery

This is such INSANELY AWESOME FESTIVAL that, firstly, I have to write in caps and secondly, it's left me speechless and so I'm going to copy and paste your email (because, apparently, being speechless means you can't type either):

So finally its here, Grayscale brings you the CITY OF GOLD Urban Art Festival. Seven days dedicated to celebrating graffiti and the role it plays in Johannesburg through a series of events including film screenings, exhibitions, street murals and the Just Writing My Name graffiti jam.

Johannesburg is becoming one of the fastest growing cities in terms of graffiti and its time to put it on the world map as a graffiti destination. Through the festival Grayscale aims to hi-light and spread the positive aspects of the graffiti culture to the general South African as well as expose the local scene to a worldwide audience of graffiti writers. The first of its kind in S.A, City Of Gold also provides the opportunity to young aspiring writers to experience and learn from some of the best local and international graffiti artists right in front of their eyes.
Featuring:

Terrible T-Kid ? TNB ? New York
Ske ? TNB,FX ? New York
Lazoo ? MAC ? Paris
Smash137 - Montana Writer Team ? Basel
Kine - TNB,NK - Bremen

City Of Gold takes place from the 7th - 13th March 2011 at various locations around the city.

Tickets for the film screenings are available online at:
www.thebioscope.co.za
or,
Direct at Grayscale Store & Gallery
R35 - single screening ticket
R90 - Festival ticket ( 3 screenings )

For more information and updates keep an eye on the Grayscale blog, the links below and the City Of Gold Facebook page.

www.mahala.co.za
www.montana-cans.com
www.pressurecontrol.co.za/NET

Follow the link below for the program of events:

http://pressurecontrol.co.za/NET/welcome

Street addresses for City Of Gold venues:

Grayscale Store & Gallery
33 De Korte St. Braamfontein, JHB
2nd floor, above Signarama

The Bioscope & Chalkboard
Main Street Life building,
286 Fox St. Maboneng Precinct, JHB

Revolution House
CNR Main St. & Kruger St., Maboneng Precinct, JHB
Between Main Street Life and Arts On Main.

Look them up on Google maps.

Check out the programme flyer below:

Thank you Alexandre Farto for your street-art-that-adds-by-taking-away.

Dear Alexandre Farto 

Now, I could waffle on about how you destroy in order to create and how this is a common theme in art, but waffling is pointless. It wastes time. It seems silly not to get to the point right away and to circle round and round in circles (as one does when one is circling). A crow flies straight… As does an arrow… We should bear this in mind when we waffle. To waffle or to beat around the bush, as they say, is inefficient and in this day and age where convenience is king, efficiency is key.

So, instead of waffling, I'll say this: You blow things up and this blows my mind. No, seriously. I saw your work. My brain exploded. I had to wipe away the blood and brain matter from my screen in order to see more of your work. There's a stain on the wall behind me. Bleach doesn't work. Awesome.