Thanks Audrey Kawasaki for your oh-so-pretty-painting-of-the-pretty-girl

Dear Audrey Kawasaki 

You make such pretty pictures of such pretty ladies and pretty things. It's pretty full of pretty. But your new print… She needs to wash her hair. She has naked people in it. I'm not sure she's noticed.

You see your other pretty ladies here? They've washed their hair.

Thank you Mike Friedrich for your megads-it-would-be-such-a-travesty-if-this-was-smashed-against-an-amp guitar

Dear Mike Friedrich 

You make me want to be a rockstar. Except I can't play the guitar. Or the drums. And I certainly can't sing. But I would take your insanely cool guitar and stand with it on stage. I would hold it up to the crowd. Their roaring would be deafening. Girls would faint. I would have bras flung at me. I'm a girl myself so this would perhaps be somewhat awkward. I would become a legend. I would travel all over the world. People would flock to see me. I would meet presidents. I'd save orphans. I may even develop a drug problem. I would be a rockstar.

It is such a pity that is was only seen at your solo exhibition at Neoncoocolate Gallery in Berlin last year.

Thank you Holton Rower for your wet-paint-sculpture-art-thinga-majigger-that-makes-me-want-get-undressed

Dear Holton Rower

If I were with you when you created these, I would roll around in them. I would fling off my clothes in full view of everyone and take a running leap onto the floor. It may hurt. A lot. I would then nuzzle the seeping, contorting colours. I would try taste them too. People may stare. And point. I would make paint angels. You may hate me. But, being smeared in the awesomeness that is your running-paint-sculpture-live-art-thingy would be worth it.

 

 

 

 

So thank you Holton Rower. You make me want to become a rainbow and that's very PC.

Thank you Red Bull and Google for your street-art-in-countries-I'm-too-poor-to-visit.

Dear Red Bull and Google

You are smart. First, Google, you brought us Street View so we can recognize places when we are about and about stalking or whatever it is we do. And now, Red Bull, you bring us this... Give me a moment… I need to bask in the glory that is Red Bull Street Art View... Aaaah… Aaaah… *Tracey waving her hands in the air and trying to catch the awesomeness*

One day I will visit these places. I will also sprout wings and become president of the world. Until then, this will do. However, I do remember a similar thing with wall murals that you could look up on Google Maps. Maybe I dreamed it because I can't find it now…

Oh, Google, another thing. Thank you for your Art Project. Now, I can see art from famous museums all over the world without all those pseudo-arty-intellectuals-who-put-malapropisms-to-good-use. Good job.

[UPDATE] I found it! http://murallocator.org/ Helps tracks wall murals from all over the world. Also, apparently the embedded links aren't working to well so I'll post them here:

http://www.googleartproject.com/
http://streetartview.com/v/MzIx

Thank you Bruce Mackay. Happy Valentine's Day.

Dear Bruce Mackay

A poem for you - 

This Valentine's Day,
Don't romp in the hay,
rather make your way
to see the work of Bruce Mackay
in the Revolutions Skaaaay -
teboard Shop on Long Street in Cape Town.

Seeing as this is the day of super cheese, I thought I would rhyme. Or at least try to. Sigh...

 

I also like your Munny for the "I Want Your Munny" exhibition, now happening at Toitoy, 49 Kloof Street, Cape Town. You call it "Wing-man." I think that's funny. Because boys can be monkeys.

 

Thank you Bruce Mackay. And happy Valentine's Day.

Thank you Alex Trochut for your beefeating-illustrations-that-have-nothing-to-do-with-cows-of-the-bovine-kind

Dear Alex Trochut

I like these illustrations about London. You say it was for a client called Beefeater. That's funny. I always thought Beefeaters were people who lived in hovels in London and only ate cows... Or beef rather. You'd need to be really, really big to eat a whole cow. But then I met a real-live Beefeater, and he wasn't that big. Turns out Beefeaters don't live in hovels and actually know a lot about London. A bit like your illustrations, I suppose. 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you Alex Trochut. I see you live in Barcelona. I'm visiting in May. Be prepared. I'll be that creepy tourist with the binoculars peering through your window and watching you work. Yes.

Thank you David Maclennan for your pouty-pretty-panda-pausing-pointedly-in-a-pretend-praying-pose

Dear David Maclennan

Well, your panda isn't pouting nor praying (though I enjoy the irony of an animal praying even though some people say they don't have immortal souls), but I am in need of the loo and hence the letter "P" is high on my thoughts at the moment. Your panda for the amicollective bare exhibit is pretty. I want to hug him or her (I can't tell – there is no genitalia illustrated).

 

 

Thank you David Maclennan, one day I will post more of your pretty things but right now I must run…

Thank you MKT4 for your super-hero-government-toppling cuteness

Dear MKT4

Is that your real name? Really? I don't believe you. Your mom wouldn't have called you MKT4. Why don't you use your real name? The world needs to thank you. You do such cute things. I want to stroke my screen when I see them (and sometimes I do. I work in an open plan office so this does result in some odd stares and awkward coughs).

Are you maybe a terrorist? Is that why you hide your real name? Are you taking down governments with adorably-cute-and-slightly-over-confident animals? Your league of super heroes and tough guys do seem to be taking over the world…

Thank you MKT4 or whoever you are.

Thank you Broken Fingaz for your lazer-shooting vaginas

Dear Broken Fingaz

I like your picture with lazers coming out of vaginas. Although anatomically incorrect, it's still awesome – I would very much like lazers coming out of my vagina. I would roam the streets and, with a swift lift of a leg, take down the bad guys. Superman has his hand in the air as he flies, Cyclops has that weird I'm-holding-the-side-of-my-head-as-I-shoot-you-with-my-eyes move and I would have the Can Can dance. Bad guys, bring it. Pow pow... pow.

 

Thank you Broken Fingaz. You've made me see the light. You also have a really cool blog that makes me want to visit Israel and be all cool and stuff.

Thank you Jordan Metcalf for your kinda-creepy-but-super-cute-anyway illies.

Dear Jordan Metcalf

I came across your High-five-and-rocking-the-uber-beard-all-over-his-body guy and I fell in love. He was the backdrop to my desktop for a long time.

And then I came across your Bare for the amicollective exhibition. He makes me want to growl and bash my chest. I'm a girl so this may hurt a little.

And then there was the Iron Fist design. Is it possible that something can make me happy and kinda sad at the same time?

Thank you Jordan Metcalf. I want to be you one day.