Thank you Charmaine Olivia for your-work-that-makes-me-mean-and-nasty

Dear Charmaine Olivia

I don't like you. But I'm only saying that because I'm insanely jealous of your skill. And the fact that you're super cute too. Not fair. I want your hair. 

 

 

Thank you Ruben Ireland for your lady-that-made-me-drool-in-a-totally-non-lesbian-way

Dear Ruben Ireland

First, I saw this little lady and I was like "shoo wee."

 

Next, I saw the rest of them and I was like "Wa wa wee wa." Please note, I am not a morning person. I am, in fact, very proud that I was able to discern how to write down what passed for grunting and drooling. Actually, I'm pretty proud I can type at this time in the morning (9:43 am). Yessum.

Thank you Penguin and Jillian Tamaki for book-covers-you-actually-embroidered-which-is-just-madness.

Dear Penguin and Jillian Tamaki

You have so much time on your hands. You embroidered these book covers for Penguin Threads. That's awesome. Or insane. Or both. Madness. Great now I've said madness twice. Nay, three times. Good writer fail.

Thank you Heather Watts for your oh-yes-I-nearly-forgot-I-was-a-girl-but-your-picture-made-me-remember

Dear Heather Watts

I saw this face. My lip quivered. I started to tear up. Poor puppy. He's trying to save the poor lambs. I'm a girl – I'm a sucker for cute animals. Be quiet.

You were interviewed here by Squidface. I'm sure it's interesting but there were just too many words for me. Sorry. I was distracted by your pictures.

Thank you Matt Williams for your oh-goodness-my-pet-impala-doesn't-look-like-that illustration

Dear Matt Williams, otherwise known as Uberkraaft

You're from the UK so I will forgive you for the following image you titled "Tame Impala."

Now, I'm from South Africa where we have impalas. They are our pets. Obviously. We are also hunters and carry large knives and live in grass huts. We do not have electricity. We do not have the Internet. In fact, you are not reading this right now. But I digress. Matt, I'd hate to tell you this but impalas do not look like that. No, seriously now, they don't. They're somewhat furry buck things. But it's ok, because I like you, and it's a cool picture and you have made these other very cool pictures.

So thank you Matt Williams... Sigh... Such prettiness.

Thank you Hugo Boss for the holy-poop-I-could-work-with-famous-urban-artists-while-advertising-your-brand-you-sneaky-bugger competition

Dear Hugo Boss Create thingy

I'm in advertising. I know what you're doing and I'm watching you. Look at me. That's me watching you. With my eyes. On the computer. Yes.  Anyway, despite your somewhat nefarious motivations, I like that you make a competition where you will send five urban street artists to BERLIN to work with BLEK LE RAT. (Yeah, those pictures below. They're not of Banksy. They're of Blek le Rat's work. He's being doing stencil work for 30 odd years. Similar, no? Hmmm… I scratch my chin.) 

So Hugo Boss, this is what you say:

Berlin Stencil Art

Unleash your creativity, take inspiration from the well-known stencil artists and get inspired by the city of Berlin; the architecture, the zeitgeist, the music, the people, and bring that into a stencilled design. And we want you to reflect the spirit of HUGO in your piece. But you don't have to include the HUGO Man bottle. Five winners will be flown to Berlin where they will join a creative session with Blek Le Rat and other special guests from the urban creative scene. The winners' work will sit next to a specially curated piece by legendary stencil artist Blek Le Rat, who will also paint at the session.

Due Date:
The deadline for entries is 30 April 2011

Winner announcement:
16 May 2011

Awards:

• Five winners will be selected by the HUGO Create judges and
Blek Le Rat, and each will receive $500 cash.
• The winners will be flown to Berlin to join a creative session with
legendary urban artists.
• Prize includes flights to Berlin, and two night's accommodation in a
hotel in the city.

Sneaky buggers. I'm watching you. 

Thank you Iain Macarthur for your oh-my-god-my-doodles-are-child-scribbles-compared-to-yours sketches.

Dear Iain Macarthur

You are my hero. Not because you have a name that makes me imagine you holding a sword high above your head as the wind and rain whip your coat about and you roar something profound and meaningful like "I'm wearing a kilt!" No. That's not why you're my hero. It's because you drew the following. The bear, I would imagine, you drew from memory.

Thank you Zeptonn for your book-of-drawings-doodled-by-procrastinating-artists-from-all-over-the-world.

Dear Zeptonn 

Did you mean to have a double "n" in your name or did you drink too much the night before and had a bit of a tremor when typing? Either way, I think it's appropriate – you multiply things. You didn't just do a doodle. You got 45 people to doodle. And then you made a book. You made several books. So that's 1 doodle x 45 x the-number-of-books-you've-printed = a lot. Yes, Einstein, I am a mathematical genius.

 

Zeptonn, you don't call them doodles, you call them "free drawings." But let's be honest now, they're doodles – there's no grey area. (Chuckle chuckle, get it? They're black and white so there's no grey. Chuckle chuckle. Ah… The lamities* that come out on a Monday afternoons. That said, I have a thing for black and white. And that's not just because I'm from South Africa. So, good job.)

 

And now, dear reader-who-may-or-may-not-exist, if you would like to purchase said book of doodles, chat to Janita from Pulp Books. The book is not available in SA (silly Zeptonn) and she is ordering them straight from zee artiste. (Yes, he will have touched them.) The more she orders the cheaper. By the way, it's also totally eco-friendly-as-that's-like-so-totally-in-right-now-and-you-won't-have-to-feel-so-bad-about-drinking-from-that-plastic-bottle-that-one-time.

* Lamities. A noun indicating things of a lame nature. Yes, I am allowed to make up words.